Why A Great First Date Didn’t Turn Into A Second

Mar 07, 2014 Comments by

First dates are often a big let down, especially if you met online. So many people don’t look like their profile pics. And the sparkling wit you’ve been exchanging texts with may turn out to be so shy he hardly opens his mouth.

On the other hand, there are those dates you enjoy, where you sense a real connection and chemistry that make the whole dating process worthwhile. At the end of the date he says he’ll call and you have high hopes. But those calls don’t always come and you’re left wondering what you did wrong.

Why no second date? There are several common reasons why your phone stays discouragingly silent after a great first date.

1. He Felt No Spark

Although you thought you had chemistry, he just didn’t feel attracted to you, despite liking your picture before you met. If you don’t look like your picture, this is going to happen a lot, but it still happens even if your photos show a true likeness of you. Remember, attraction is much more than looks. It’s a mix of all kinds of things including personality, voice, and body language.

He said he’d call, but he had no intention of calling you when he said it. He just didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t feel you clicked romantically, even if you got on well and had a fun night. It doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you, just that you weren’t the one for him.

2. Lack Of Confidence

In this case, he definitely intended to call you when he said he would. But when he thought about it, he decided you weren’t really into him and he didn’t want to risk being rejected. You may have thought you made it obvious that you would welcome his call, but this guy may have been caught before by women agreeing he could call as a way to save face and then letting him down.

Ask yourself if there was anything on the date where you showed a lack of interest in him that he could have picked up on, things like

  • checking your phone
  • looking at your watch
  • not listening to him
  • looking away when he was talking
  • not actively participating in the conversation
  • not asking about him

and you may have your answer. You may have been playing it cool or feeling nervous, but he doesn’t know that for sure. Another time, make sure your date knows you had a good time and would like to see him again.

3. You Had a Good Time, He Didn’t

You talked. You talked a lot as only women can do. He seemed content to listen, but actually he could hardly get a word in if he’d wanted to. Or you asked endless questions because you were interested in him, but he felt like he was on a job interview, not a fun date.

Looking back, think about the kind of things you talked about. Were they fun for him or only for you?

Again he may lack courage and say that he’ll call you when the date ends so he doesn’t have to see the disappointment on your face, but he won’t call in case he gets more of the same “good time” on the next date.

4. You Made Mistakes

There are plenty of things you can do other than talking all the time or interrogating him that will put a guy off organizing a second date. If you came across as money-grabbing, bitchy or high-maintenance, you can scare him off either right there on the date or when he has time to think about it after the event. See 14 First date Mistakes for a whole list of things to avoid.

Chances are you aren’t getting things so terribly wrong. But if a lot of your first dates don’t end up in second dates, it may be time to examine what you are doing that is so off-putting.

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About the author

Ana Wilde is a dating expert, author and blogger living in Scotland with her husband and two kids. If you're still looking for the love of your life, don't worry, you'll find plenty of practical advice and tips at Ana's site to take you step by step from single to your perfect relationship.